Amazing
how my definition or perception of beauty has changed from when I was
in my twenties. Now that I'm in my thirties, I see beauty in a totally
different light. I’m sure it will continue to change as I evolve, mature
and become more seasoned, but this is where I am right now, so I
welcome the outlook. Honestly, when I think about what I thought was
beauty back then, it makes me cringe because it's actually rather
grotesque. Not grotesque in a way that speaks negatively about the
people as objects but grotesque in regards to social and media
stream's intent to dictate and mislead us into thinking that their
beauty is or should be our definition or epitome of beauty. They removed
the innocence that is usually embedded in true beauty and all too
often, just as I did, our young girls accept it and then look upon
themselves with shameful eyes. What a blind robbery of their
youth!...and, yet, they don't even know they are being robbed of years
in celebrating who they are during their emerging stages of life.
Now
that I am in my thirties, I seem to always have a passionate love/hate
affair with food and everyday stressors of being a working mom and
beauty, for me, has been redefined. Beauty is the curves along my
backside and hips; it is the one eye that I managed to line with
eyeliner in the morning, but with the busyness of a morning routine with
my 5 year old, I forgot to line the other. Beauty is the stubborn
cellulite that won’t go away no matter how many miles I walk or jog per
week or how many ounces of water I drink per day! It tells me I'm
healthy, I’m normal and best of all, I'm HAPPY. Beauty is the look I
have when I open my eyes in the morning with an out of place ponytail in
the back of my head and no makeup except my inherently black under eye
circles. That's beauty. That's beauty because that is real. It’s
relatable. It became relieving...once I accepted it.
Beauty
is my tiny waist and big hips that never seem proportioned in the
industries' pair of jeans that align to social and media standards of
beauty. I'm sorry, but I would like one pair of jeans that I can
purchase and not have to deal with 3-4 inches gap in the rear because
designers have not figured out that all women whether black, white,
Latina, etc. are ALL shapely these days. Beauty is confidence. Beauty is
intelligence and knowing how to articulate your wants and needs in the
workplace or at home. Beauty is telling my daughter everyday that she's
beautiful because of her heart and kindness towards others. Now, I
understand the good ole saying that I used to hear as a child growing up
in the South and consistently recite to my own daughter and that is:
"Pretty is as Pretty Does". Beauty is what you do more than who you are
or what you look like. A pretty face + an ugly attitude and heart =
ugly/disadvantage. Something I've learned over the years is that beauty
has its place in the workplace, especially if you are a woman. It can
either attract people towards you or deter them and force them to run in
the opposite direction when they see you coming down the hallway. Now, measure that for leadership effectiveness, why don’t you?
Recently,
I visited a traveling art exhibit called "Posing Beauty" at the Figge
Art Museum with my five year old daughter. I was grateful we went, but
even more grateful that she could learn, observe and experience the
creation of a dividing line separating beauty from hype, fact from
fiction, glory from...well, the imposter. The photography showed me how
internal beauty and confidence is actually captured in photo, whether we
know it or not and whether we want to believe it or not. Even in still
photography, people can see empowerment in your eyes or they can
identify when you are allowing life to take control of you. What is the
legacy you want to leave behind when your children or grandchildren look
at your photos? I challenge you to stop and think about that for a
moment. Walk away from this blog (just for a minute), pull out a recent
photo and examine it. What does it say? If this was the last photo seen,
what legacy would you be leaving behind? A legacy of strength,
compassion and empowerment or one of weakness, bitterness and servitude?
I
will leave you with this: I remember when I was a teenager, standing in
line at the grocery store with my mom in Louisiana and I came across an
interview with Selma Hayek. Her words were profound and forced me to
reflect upon beauty then (as it does now). She said, “People often say
that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder,' and I say that the most
liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder.
This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to
look, including inside ourselves.” ~ Selma Hayek
Oh
yeah, one final thought. I've been so inspired by this that I want to
capture my beauty, as it is today, and have scheduled time with a
professional artist to create an oil painting of me, celebrating MY
SPLENDOR! Hopefully, it will be a healthy reminder for my beautiful
daughter to never skip a day in celebrating her inner beauty,
appreciating and embracing her body and owning her legacy….
Beautifully Yours,
Chanda
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