Guest Blogger: Full Life, Not Balance

Today's guest blogger is our dear friend, Deb Hornell.  We all met Deb through the participation of the leadership program that brought us all together.  Deb is extremely passionate about living a FULL LIFE vs. "balance."  When we started our blog months ago, this was an area we wanted to help all of our followers with, we hope you will find ways to build Deb's words of wisdom into your life.    

Like many of you, I used to struggle with trying to “have it all” - to achieve that holy grail of work-life balance.  This popular concept is unrealistic.  It implies that work and life are somehow separate – they’re not.  It suggests that you can achieve perfect equilibrium – you can’t.  It also assumes that once you find a formula that works for you, you’re set for life – you’re not.

So I stopped chasing that elusive, unrealistic dream of “balance”, and began to focus on having a “full life”, full of the things that matter to me – work, family, friends, travel, self-care, music, gardening and not-for-profit work, to name a few.   I had to find what works for me, not what anyone else says I “should” be doing.  I need a life that fulfills me, that nourishes my spirit.  Once I owned responsibility for figuring out what matters and taking accountability for making it happen, I was less stressed and more satisfied with how my life was unfolding.

Here are some tips that worked for me. 

1. Forget about having it all.  Instead, consider what matters:  what’s important to you, what you want your life to be full of.  Make a list, then look at it again.  Is there anything you’ve forgotten?  Is there something you love to do, but haven’t been able to fit into your hectic, whirlwind of a life?
2. Begin to think of your full life as a chapter book, a series of phases you pass through.  Although many of the good things you want in your life will be present in various chapters, the energy and priority of those items may shift.  For example, when your children are young, you will need to devote more time and energy to their care than when they are in college.  Your career will require different things at twenty-five than at fifty-five.  Thinking of your full-life as a series of five-year chapters enables you to prioritize where to invest energy and effort.   What chapter are you in right now?  Are your current priorities aligned with your current chapter?
3. Diversify your activities to avoid investing too much of yourself in one area.  If you invest too much of your identity and self-worth in one area, a loss or disappointment will hit you harder than if you have a more “balanced” portfolio. How diversified is your portfolio?  Where might you need to make a shift to reflect what you need now?

Being clear on what a full life means to you will make it easier to say yes to the things that matter – the things that feed your spirit.  More importantly, it will empower you to say “no” to the things that don’t matter.

Deb Hornell is a wife, mother, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, consultant, mentor and gardener. Her new book, “Good Things for a Full Life”, contains 40 life lessons that have helped her build a satisfying life - full of the things she needs.  It can also help you discover what a “full life” means to you and how you can be more intentional in creating that life for yourself. For more information, visit her website at www.hornellpartners.com.

Setting Priorities

It was a typical Sunday evening.   The kids were finished playing outside with their friends and we just sat down at the table for dinner.  I had asked each of my kids if they had fun today playing with their friends.   My daughter answers, “Mommy, I had fun with my friends today but I would much rather have played soccer outside with you.  How come we don’t ever get a chance to play together?”  Wow this hit me like a ton of bricks.  When I stopped to think about it, she was right.  It had been a really long time since I had played with the kids.  Part of it was the fact that usually I am doing laundry, dishes, making dinner, etc., but the other part of it was that I assumed she would rather play with her friends than with me. 

It was obvious we had a disconnect somewhere.   Since we were all together I decided to use that time to talk about and write down a list of what each of us valued and viewed important.  Since I knew my daughter obviously wanted to spend more time with me, I knew that I had to make a drastic change with how I was spending my time and what I was spending my time on. So I asked myself these questions:

1.   Do the choices I make align with what I value?

2.   Will making this choice help me to honor my priorities?

3.   Do I have ultimate control over this choice?

By doing this it helped me focus my time and attention on the important things. 

I also took this concept and applied it at work.  I identified what projects were priorities and was I spending my time on those?   What was getting in the way of spending time on those projects? I met with my manager to make sure my priorities aligned with his goals and objective as well as the company’s goals and objectives.  I also blocked off time on my calendar each morning to identify what I was going to focus my attention on that day.  I found by doing that, it helped me stay focused as each of you know how easily, and how often, distractions occur.   

That was 5 months ago.  What I have found was that by adjusting my efforts and focusing on what was important, I am able to drive results that are more meaningful.  And by reviewing these priorities every so often, it allows me to make adjustments where necessary, as priorities will change.

At home, I feel like we have spent more quality time together as a family.  Initially I didn't think I would be able to find that time, and I’ll admit, the house isn’t as picked up, the laundry and dishes do pile up, but those things, to me, aren’t really that important.  There will always be time for laundry and dishes but time with the kids is limited as I know their priorities of spending time with Mom and Dad will change as they get older. 

So I challenge you to try this.  You might be surprised what you find out.

~Lori

EUSTRESS- What?? A stress that is good for you.

The word eustress consists of 2 parts. The prefix eu- Greek derived means either “well” or “good”. When attached to the word stress, it literally means “good stress”.
Eustress is the positive cognitive response to stress that is healthy or gives one a feeling of fulfillment or other positive feelings.

In the workplace, stress can often be interpreted as a challenge, which generally denotes positive stress.

Eustress is actually very important to have in our lives, It keeps us healthy and happy. Feeling depressed or lack of meaning in life occurs without it.

Eustress allows us to look at stressors in our lives as ‘challenges’ versus ‘threats’ and have the extra energy required to handle these stressors.

The difference between the people who get overwhelmed by stressors and those who feel inspired by challenges is a factor called resilience. Being resilient, allows us to handle complex situations, get a boost of confidence and handle unexpected difficulties. As a matter of fact, this year’s Best Companies are finding ways to boost employee resilience.

As we are aware, if people find meaning and purpose in what they are doing, they can excel through challenges.

So remember to have down time and live a full life. The next time you feel “stressed out”, could it be eustress?

All the Best,
Amy