Day #5 of 40 Random Acts of Kindness before I turned 40: To Make a Difference and Live a Life of Significance

Thanks for joining me for Day #5 of 40 Random Acts of Kindness:

I was encouraged along the way by the stories of paid-off Christmas layaways for strangers and a Starbucks where for three hours, each and every person paid for the person behind them in the drive through line.  (Talk about contagious kindness!) This was such an incredible retail challenge for the cashiers that Starbucks now has developed a procedure to handle these random acts of kindness.  What a wonderful problem to have and have to countermeasure! I also absolutely love the Liberty Mutual commercials.  These are the ones where people choose to help strangers.  I have attached a link to one of my favorites.  http://youtu.be/9UrSvzVnCA0 This is the essence of random acts of kindness.  They do not have to be elaborate or expensive.  They only have to be meaningful.  Facebook even has a page for Random Acts of Kindness. 

Once you began these acts of kindness intentionally, these stories are everywhere.  I remember when I was pregnant with my daughter; I had never seen so many pregnant women in all my life.  I think that this has a similar effect.  If you only see the negative or the bad news, negative is what permeates.   When you begin to focus on the positives, encouragement is everywhere.   It will make you look at the world and the people in it in an entirely different way. 

Some great stories that inspired me

http://www.1millionacts.com.au/home

http://www.redrobin.com/about/unbridled-acts

http://www.pantagraph.com/news/starbucks-customers-pay-it-backward/article_37448662-8e1c-503e-95e0-514ea5e40acd.html

http://fox4kc.com/2012/08/06/kcmo-teen-buys-other-peoples-grocery-gas/

http://www.tullahomanews.com/?p=10869

I love that companies now recognize that this emotional connection is so important.  Connecting with people and the “why” is just as critical as the “what” or “how” they do what they do.  This connection is important for their customers and for their employees.  We must look deeper and do more as leaders to connect with people.  This is the “Why” that Simon Sinek speaks to in his TEDtalks and his book Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action by Simon Sinek.  When we connect with people on a different level, we can truly inspire and make a difference.  This is significant and this is significance.  http://youtu.be/qp0HIF3SfI4

Well, I met my goal of forty random acts of kindness before I turned forty.  I was intentional and had a lot of help from my friends and family with ideas.  Some even encouraged me by doing random acts along with me.  I found that kindness is contagious and so very easy.  I loved the excitement and interest in this challenge.  It was a feeling I had never previously known.  I did feel significant.  I loved the looks on people’s faces.  I also loved knowing that some of the recipients of my acts I would never even meet or know.  The best part or biggest reward of this entire experience has not been how much I gave or did but by the feeling I got by doing this.  I received so much more than I gave.  The conversations it started gave me real joy.  And the “pay it forward” opportunities were exponential.  I had so many of the recipients tell me that they were going to do something for someone else.  I was intentional and I wanted to have significance.  When I turned forty, I intentionally embraced it and it was far more significant that I could have dreamed!  When my birthday finally came, I was surrounded by family and friends and felt loved and blessed.  I met my goal.  My priorities were clear and I was aware and intentional.  I conquered it by aligning my values and goals with my actions.  Also, I did not stop at forty.  I cannot bring myself to delete the app with my notes for (RAK).  I am now currently up to 54 and counting.  I also certainly do not feel as though I have reached the summit of the “hill”.  I am still climbing.  But I will admit that I prefer the view from up this high.  It is so much clearer. 

So what now? The quote I included at the top is, “Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has” by Margaret Mead.  This quote is relevant as it is true.   If you commit with intention and follow through, anything is possible.  I challenge you to do the same.   Random Acts of Kindness week is officially February 11-17, 2013. You can do them anytime not just this week.  But once you start, I warn you that it is difficult to stop.  I encourage you to participate.  Be kind and look for opportunities to help people, even strangers.  The reward is worth the effort, I promise.  Faith in humanity is restored.  

 “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.”  Dr. Seuss

~Christy Brasher, guest blogger

Day#4 of 40 Random Acts of Kindness before I turned 40: To Make a Difference and Live a Life of Significance

Welcome to Day #4 of 40 Random Acts of Kindness with Christy Brasher:  

 One opportunity came when I went out to lunch one day and stopped and got gasoline (multi tasking as a single mom).  This one happens to be a combination convenience store with a local sub sandwich shop in it.  I stood in line and made my selection.  When I got to the register, the truck driver in front of me was having a conversation with the cashier about his gift card.  She was explaining to him that it was not valid at this location due to ownership policy.  I interrupted and said to just add his to mine and I paid for both.  He looked at me mouth agape stunned (I found that this was a common reaction when strangers do something nice or unexpected).  It took him a minute to realize that I had just bought his lunch.  People expect rudeness or ridicule.  They do not expect kindness.  When we were walking to fill up our drinks, he offered me the gift card as repayment.  I politely refused his offer and told him to use it another time or give it to someone else that he thought needed it.   He said that he would.   This was a great feeling because it was so unexpected and spontaneous.  This is how many of the forty happened, completely by random. 

One more area of kindness acts I classified as inspirational.  I had made some wonderful friends in Chicago.  One of my new friends told me that I inspired him to write and play music again.  I questioned whether this qualified as an act and whether it counted toward my goal.  He said that it did in his book.  I didn’t argue with people when they told me whatever I did should count toward my goal.  But, I did look this up on the Random Acts of Kindness web page (http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/) to see if this “counted” and I found that it does.  This site has some great ideas if you need inspiration.   I also inspired someone to go back and finish their college degree.  I inspired a friend to take a leap and change career paths.  I helped a colleague with a very challenging situation at work and found a win-win solution.   I cheered up my best friend after a horrible Monday by listening and having margaritas.  I championed a mentor program for my work.  These acts were giving of my time, encouragement, or expertise and apparently, after a little research, they do count.  

Some of my acts of kindness were monetary or tangible.  I sponsored a female pit bull to receive veterinary care after being rescued from a dog-fighting ring.  I sponsored a coworker’s little girl for a triathlon in which she took first place in her age division.  She felt very special to be sponsored like “real” adult athletes.  I donated clothes and household items to a domestic violence shelter.  I gave a donation to the Habitat for Humanity Women Build for a single mom building a house in Nashville, Tennessee.  I put a few small dollar amount gift cards on windshield wipers in the parking lot of a grocery store on cars that had infant or car seats in them.  I put dollar coins in every vending machine in my break area at work.  I donated to the Salvation Army.  An amazing thing happened when my friends knew about my goal.   I had two of my birthday gifts to be donations in my name.  One to the Habitat for Humanity Women Build and another to an organization that helps provide training to women in third world nations to learn a trade so that they can escape prostitution and poverty.  These were the best gifts that I received for my birthday, by far. 

                Believing in people, helping them achieve their goals, and inspiring people was an amazing way to realize my goal of forty.  These acts of kindness have the most lasting effects.  They are the essence of the Maya Angelou quote, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

Join me tomorrow for the final day of 40 Random Acts of Kindness.

~Christy Brasher, Guest Blogger

Day #2 of 40 Random Acts of Kindness before I turned 40: To Make a Difference and Live a Life of Significance

Thanks for coming back for Day #2 of 40 Random Acts of Kindness...

I had my goal of significance defined and decided that forty random acts of kindness would be how I would realize my goal.  So then, the questions were where to begin and how to accomplish this task for myself?  My first random act of kindness came when I began to find accountability partners for my goal.  Accountability partners are people who you encourage you to keep your commitment.  You can share your goal with a person whom you trust and then you are accountable to them to be a person of your word.    

My friend and I are learning to golf together.  We encourage each other and cheer for the occasional good, solid swings.  She and I finished at the driving range one day and went to have a beer and catch up.  We had a young waitress who had a big smile, the best attitude, and pictures of her young baby girl on her order tablet.  She overheard my friend and me talking about how grateful we were (about what I cannot recall).  She interrupted us and talked about her being grateful as well, and even pulled out a small, smooth rock from her apron and said that it was her “grateful rock”.  We looked at her puzzled and she explained that this was her tangible reminder to be grateful.  She was very sincere and explained that she and her husband were working and taking care of their young baby and that at times their lives seemed overwhelming.  It was in those moments that she stops and holds the rock and remembers to be grateful for the positive things in her life.  She was very kind and out of her apron she produced two more rocks and gave them to us.  They were small, smooth, and nothing especially unique about them except for what they represent.  I had just finished sharing my random act of kindness commitment with my friend.  This was it!  I said to her, “This is my first one."   I thought back to my own experience waiting tables when I was twenty years old and hoping to make diaper money and baby food money during my shift for my young baby girl at home.  I had the same baby pictures of my daughter in my order book and just as many hopes and dreams.  I then realized that I was right where this young lady had been almost exactly twenty years ago.  We had a $6.00 tab together for our two beers after golfing.  I decided to leave her a twenty dollar tip and write her a note of encouragement.  I told her to stay positive, keep her wonderful attitude, to follow her dreams, and to love and appreciate her baby girl when she was still little.  I told her that I had been in her situation myself and am in a much different place now and I wished her the best.  I also told her that she was my first of forty random acts of kindness.  I left the restaurant with my friend ---both of us were glowing.   We were almost floating to the car.  The feeling that gave me was so incredible.

Over the next few weeks and months, I found a few small ways to meet my goal.  I helped an elderly lady put her groceries in her car and bought coffee for a stranger at a gas station.  I shared my apples with my peers at work and thanked several public service workers for what they do and contribute (TSA agents, police officers, and fire fighters).  I donated blood to the American Red Cross on 9/11 in remembrance.  I fed two teenage boys, friends of my son, and talked to them about their goals for their future.  I paid tolls for cars behind me.  I also paid for drive through food for a car behind me in line.  I volunteered to serve breakfast at an under privileged school and donated to that school for books and supplies.  Each of these acts were recorded in an app on my phone, so that I would ensure to remember them all and tracking to my goal of forty.  Each one brought me an increased level of satisfaction and significance. 

I still have the rock in my car in a compartment in my console.  I hold it sometimes on my way home when I have a rough day.  I think about where I was twenty years ago and how I can be grateful sitting in traffic.  I remember my first random act and the young lady.  I have so much for which to be grateful.  Random acts can be small or large and can be tangible or intangible.  They can be planned or spontaneous.   They can have lasting effects.  Tomorrow, I will tell you the story about my favorite of my forty random act of kindness.  It was one that deeply touched me and gave me a sense of significance. 

Please check back for Day #3 of 40 Random Acts of Kindness tomorrow.

~Christy Brasher, guest blogger

Guest Blogger: Advocates- Who are yours?

Today's Guest Blogger is Gina Flaig. These Ladies Have "IT" met Gina through the WOMEN UNLIMITED LEAD program that brought the four of us together.  Gina was our external mentor through the program and made an impact on our leadership style. Mid-program, Gina challenged each of us to identify our advocates during the program.  She was met with blank stares as we each thought about the question and racked our brains for who we could identify as our advocates. Clearly we had work to do in this area.  We asked Gina to share with each of you today her position on advocates.  She wants this to be interactive, so please respond via the comments section with your responses to her questions. 

Think back to when someone spoke highly of you in the workplace when you weren’t there to do it yourself.  What that person did for you is called advocating.  Advocates are like the wind beneath our proverbial wings.

What I have learned is that many decisions in organizations are made quickly and with much less conversation than most people would expect.  Say there was an opening due to a promotion.  There are often short meetings or concise emails that bring up a name ie “It’s time for Jaime; let’s move her into a role.”  And then, poof, the decision is made and Jaime is in.  And some are left wondering, “Why wasn’t it me?”

Sometimes we think that our hard work should speak for itself. And while hard work and results are important, they often are not enough to provide momentum when it comes to your career trajectory.  Your skills and performance coupled with others’ familiarity of you and their belief in you is how people make decisions about your future in the workplace.  Others need to believe and be willing to stake a claim on your future success to be an advocate.  If it was a betting game, they’d need to be placing bets on you.  

If you are not sure about the web of advocacy you have spun in your workplace, think about a recent organizational decision, and learn about how the decision was made.  When/if the next decision gets made that could benefit you; do the people making the decisions know enough about you? Do they know what they need to know about you?  Are they familiar enough with you? Do you have advocates whom can directly or indirectly influence the decision? ASK.

Even a more basic question is identifying who your advocates are or could be.  Think about who in your organization knows about you and has praised or complimented you; those who know your value.  Spot people whom have organizational “clout” or influence.  You might need to do some work here and create opportunities to work with and/or get appropriately noticed by these people.  Again, think through your web and get connected.   Find a trusted colleague to help you navigate through this process.

Talk with your advocates.  Get clear on how they speak of you and with whom.  Stay in contact and ask them to be barometers if your workplace currency is ever unstable.  If an opportunity comes up and you know your name is in play, ask one or two key advocates to lean in and actively support you.  Advocating is not a spectator sport.  In the spirit of paying it forward, examine your own ability and willingness to advocate for others.  

Please take a few minutes to respond to this blog by sharing one of two experiences: 1) share when you have successfully worked with your advocates to achieve a desired outcome; how did it/has it heightened your workplace “currency” and/or 2) looking back, when did you miss an opportunity to engage with an advocate(s).  Share your reflections and how you can reset your connections going forwards.   Please share!  Can’t wait to hear.  
Guest Blogger,

Gina Flaig

Guest Blogger- How Am I Different?

Today's Guest Blogger is Liz Meeks. These Ladies Have "IT" met Liz through the WOMEN UNLIMITED LEAD program that brought the four of us together.  The program was instrumental in growing not only us as leaders but a classroom full of women.  We asked guest blogger Liz Meeks to share her experience with WOMEN UNLIMITED, INC. LEAD Program.  Liz carries a presence that is inspirational and it is our hope that her story will lead you to reflect on your own journey of leadership. 


How am I different?
Reflection is important. It allows insight into what is possible, what is present and what has transpired over time. I recently sat down to reflect on what has transpired for me over the last year and the changes I have experienced in myself as a result of my Women Unlimited LEAD participation.

My goal for this last year (as stated in my IDP) was, "I will be known as an inspiring and influential leader people want to work for by providing rewarding and challenging work in a flexible and engaging environment." Using the EQ rules to frame my changes, here is what feedback suggests is different:

THINK EXCELLENCE – NOT PERFECTION AND DON’T DO IT ALONE. These two rules together illustrate a major shift for me. It was said that I’m, "not jumping in so quickly with the solution – I’m letting others find it on their own." This change is significant for me, because I am leading a team of people who are responsible for resolving problems that I used to be responsible for resolving. Pulling myself out of the details and finding satisfaction in others’ successes rather than my own was a transformation. Then, recognizing that their successes were also my own – by leading them through and to them – was another shift.

LOOK LIKE A LEADER AND MANAGE WORK, LEAD PEOPLE. These rules also come into my change together. One naturally leads into the other. In order to look like a leader, one must be visible. This was challenging for my team due to location and space issues. To overcome this, I embarked on a mission to gain more visibility, not only for myself, but for my team as well. I was intentional about getting my team to the locations where the majority of our larger organization resided – this allowed face to face meetings to occur and relationships to be built. These relationships are foundational to any highly engaged team and they cannot be built in a virtual environment.
Visibility isn’t the whole picture. Ensuring that what people are seeing is translating as leadership presence is crucial to looking like a leader. A huge factor in this is the level of one’s self-confidence. My confidence level has increased this last year and I’m successfully overcoming my Imposter Syndrome symptoms. These changes are the result of increase comfort in my current position and leadership level. This increased confidence has contributed to my being more influential in the organization.
Secondly, I needed to lead my team by removing obstacles to their successes, supply them with adequate resources (people, time, equipment, etc) to get the job done, and rejuvenate stale processes that got in the way of their engagement. In order to do this, I became a spokesperson for the "FICO Experience." I shared with HR and prospective candidates information about what our team is looking for in an employee as well as what someone can expect to gain from an experience with my team. I also reached out to the HR community to let them know that our team fully embraces flexible work arrangements like part-time opportunities, telecommuting, compressed work weeks and other informal flexible arrangements. Getting the word out about the benefits of an experience on my team brought more candidates to our job postings and enabled us to hire top talent into our group.
To provide them with additional time they need to do their work, I led a brainstorming session with my team to discover where our "time wasting" was occurring. We determined that we could reduce the frequency of several meetings – as well as the duration and agendas. We focused our time then on more knowledge management to allow all team members to gain insights into other areas of work, topics of interest to the overall group, as well as topics relevant to the company.
In order to better manage the work, I encouraged my team to be more active in the decisions affecting their work. They have the best understanding of the current workloads. When "nice to have" requests come in, they are free to say no, or defer them until later. Providing clear expectations for priorities allows them to make these decisions with the knowledge that management will support them.

TAKE RISKS – MAKE DECISIONS Being more decisive was an area I knew I needed to improve upon. My tendency was to get mired in the details and not able to make a decision without ensuring it was 100% correct. The following story illustrates this transformational shift for me.

Prior to our first Women Unlimited workshop, I took the initiative to organize a group dinner for all the participants. This would give us all a chance to meet one another in a social environment prior to entering the workshop. First, I sent out an email asking for everyone’s restaurant preferences. I polled all 30+ women, collected responses and narrowed it down to Maggiano’s. Then I took the menu options (there are several "levels" of family style dining available) from Maggiano’s and polled the 30+ women on what their menu preferences would be. I collected the responses and then agonized (right up until meeting everyone at the restaurant) on what selections to make for each course. My WU pal, Kathy R., finally brought me back to reality when she said, "Just make a decision, Liz. Everyone will enjoy it, no matter what you choose!" Wow – she was so right. I buckled down, made the decision and everything went off perfectly (or, rather, excellently!).
Flash forward 12 months…we are preparing for our graduation and final WU workshop. I wanted to organize another dinner for everyone to celebrate the culmination of our journey together. Rather than poll people for their choices, I simply sent out an invitation (for Maggiano’s), and collected the RSVPs. The rest of the process was my decision. I chose to have the event in a banquet room, I chose the menu (being conscious of any dietary restrictions), and scheduled the event for a time frame that should accommodate the majority of attendees. No agonizing over locations, menu options or other details.

THE BOTTOM LINE I am a changed leader. The change is subtle in some ways, more dramatic in others. My challenge moving forward is keeping up the momentum without the benefit of monthly workshops with my WU Clan. What am I going to do to ensure I am continuing to develop as a more strategic leader? There are several options here, all of which I hope to make use of. The Alumnae network provides regular opportunities to connect with other WU graduates for Webcasts and conferences. I have already scheduled a meeting for several WU graduates in my organization to collectively attend the next WU Webcast. There are several LinkedIn groups available that I am currently contributing to and will continue to stay engaged with in the coming months. Women Unlimited also provides opportunities to stay connected through attending one Lead session on a drop in basis as well as by becoming a TEAM mentor. I intend to make use of these options as well. I hope every one of my WU sisters keeps in touch. I will miss their faces, laughter and conversation.

Guest Blogger,

Liz Meeks
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